I got a call today from Heather whose daughter Leslie was in an abusive relationship with a drug dealer. He was a bad dude and Leslie was actually planning to marry him.
Heather’s frustration and inability to help her daughter see the truth of the situation was escalating and she wanted my advice.
Within the first few minutes of the conversation I learned that Heather had sought the advice from a domestic violence centre, a sexual assault crisis centre, the teen health centre and the local police. Turning to me for help was a last resort and this is what I told her.
“You can’t help someone who does not want it. Leslie knows what kind of a man she is going to marry. Abuse does not go unnoticed for long. However, she IS getting something out of being with a bad guy. Maybe she is attracted to the drama of it all. Regardless, because she is 21 and an adult, it is none of your business. You brought her up the best way that you knew at the time, and now you need to step back and let her learn the hard lessons for herself.
Your involvement by going to the various agencies for help is all consuming and this has been your worry for years without any improvement in the situation. You need to surrender the problem and look at yourself. By focusing on your daughter, YOU are not moving forward.
The only thing you can do as a mother is to set a good example by being a strong woman yourself.”
“Leslie is a strong woman” answered Heather.
My reply, “She has you fooled”
The answer to any and every problem is: WORK ON YOURSELF!!